if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
