i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
