dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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