u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
