dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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