Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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