i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
