I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
