He kissed a someone with a penis
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
