I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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