So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize