can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize