You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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