I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
