you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
