I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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