he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
