who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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