so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
