oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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