If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't notice because vodka
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
