I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
