So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You ruined the universe
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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