He is an equal opportunity slut.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
