just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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