all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize