i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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