Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
