I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
