Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
