it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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