I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize