Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
