ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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