I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
