I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
