I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
