normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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