i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
