and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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