Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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