So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize