Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
