I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
