For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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