a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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