Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
