Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
