sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
