This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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