But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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