we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
