You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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