This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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