dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i am craving dick and cupcakes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize