I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
