Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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