you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
