They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
