I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize