yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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