OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
