I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
