I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize