it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
