i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
