He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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