Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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