Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
