Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
