What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
