I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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