You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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