Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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