operation harelip BJ is a go
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
