I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just want to make out with him forever
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize