I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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