Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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