A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
