piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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