3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
