I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
