You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
