its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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