i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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