Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
