I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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