What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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