he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
