Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
