dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
