I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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