where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
