I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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