what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
