Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
