perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
