it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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