I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
