i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I didn't notice because vodka
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
