wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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