he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
