Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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