So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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