they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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