I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
