I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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