I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The air was thick with penises
I have grass duct taped all over my body
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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