i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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