The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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